"The OK--Ness Of People" - An On-Hold Blog

As I've been going through blogs and deciding what to do about them, I've decided not to delete "The OK-Ness Of People" and instead set it on "private" until it has enough material on it to make it worthy of taking it off "private".    What I decided to do was to use the "banner" for that blog here, post any applicable posts here, and eventually collect enough here to make changing the blog settings to "public" make more sense.


"Introduction" From Home Page Of Blog

People - they come in different shapes and sizes, ages, and colors; and each one of them has his or her own story. When it comes to a lot of things about people, though, a good part of the time a whole lot of them are very much the same. One thing all people have in common is that they are, in fact, individuals.

Over the last couple of decades, it seems as if our society has increasingly forgotten that people are usually, for the most part, "OK". Sure, there are people who are damaged and/or evil. Sure, there are people with physical and or mental conditions (sometimes serious and farm from "OK", at least when it comes to whether or not someone is physically or mentally healthy). Sure, there are people who are unhappy, even downright miserable. There are also people who are insecure or else more sure of themselves than they really ought to be. In spite of all that, though, are generally OK when it comes to "being a person".

What I mean by "OK" is whether or not someone is a good person who cares about others, cares about being a responsible person, wants a good life for himself and his children or future children; and is, for the most part, a capable individual who does, or strives to, manage himself and his own life with an average, or better than average, degree of competence.

In the early 1970's Thomas A Harris, MD, wrote the popular self-help book, "I'm OK. You're OK." Although that book has nothing to do with this site, when I was getting ready to make the statement I'm about to make about society, I looked up the book (not only was it popular, but I read it when it was "big", because I wanted to make a reference just to the title of the book and need to look up the author's name and the date the book was out.

The statement I was about to make about today's society, and that prompted me to look up the author and date for that book was this: "In the early 70's, a popular self-help book was 'I'm OK. You're OK.' Aimed at helping people solve their problems by using a Transactional Analysis approach, the book seemed to be one with which anyone who was reader of the latest books, and/or a reader of the latest self-help books at the time, was familiar. The words, "I'm OK. You're OK," became kind of a cliche. In any case, my plan, before looking up the book, was to say that while "I'm OK. You're OK," sometimes seemed to be a "big theme" in 1970's American culture. The point I'd planned to make after making the statement that prompted looking up the book, was that it seems as if the "big theme" in today's culture is, "I'm OK. You're Not OK," or else "I'm not OK. You're Not OK. Nobody is OK."

What I discovered when I looked up the book is that the author actually made a reference to "I'm OK. You're Not Ok." I thought it would reasonable and appropriate here to mention that, even though; I've long forgotten what was in the back and certainly didn't even have the book in mind when I decided to name this site.

In any case, the point is that it, to me, has become increasingly disturbing that our society/culture has gotten to the point where it seems rare to run into someone who sees the "OK-ness" of most people. Whether that's a matter of believing that most people have a mental health condition, that most physical conditions can't/won't improve, that people with plenty of money lack character or integrity, that people with little money lack intelligence or willingness to work hard; or whether it means that people who, without intending to, "mess up" or fail in one way or another either brought it on through their own inferiority or even malicious intent - it all amounts to the same thing, which is assuming the worst about who/what people are.

Being "OK", most of us want to see an end of all the problems in our society. Being "OK", most of us want to solve our own, individual, problems. To me, one of the biggest obstacles to solving any number of problems insufficient understanding of the people who have and/or create those problems. What's particularly disturbing to me, as I think about whether or not some problems can ever be solved, is that it looks to me as if our culture has moved farther and farther away from truly understanding people, and continues to move in the same direction. It just seems to me that someone has to start putting on the brakes to the run-away train that has picked up steam over the last few decades. I know I'm not alone in my observations (although I often feel very much alone with those observations.) Alone or not (and again, I really don't think I'm alone), I just think it's time for anyone who noticed that the run-away train continues to pick up steam to start saying/writing something new, maybe something old, something different, something "common sense" - just something that's right and that makes some solid sense to anyone who goes through this life as person; and that is, of course, everyone.

Making sense to everyone" is, of course, a very tall order that's unlikely to be fulfilled. Making sense to more people, rather than not making sense to most people, is, however, not that unrealistic an aim. Realistic or not, that's the aim of this site.

"Lifestyles Of The Poor And Invisible" is not really just about "poor" (low-income) individuals and families,but I couldn't resist the title because of that old show, "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" (is that even on anywhere or any more?  Doesn't matter.  I couldn't ever understand the entertainment value in that type of thing, but to each his own)..  The blog description gives a more complete/accurate idea about what the aims/subjects of this blog will be.

Unlike other pages I have that are old and/or neglected and/or have had so many "transfers" to/from them that they're essentially a tired mess, this particular blog is one I started but never did anything at all with, mainly because this was going to be a "pet project" type of thing.  I had concrete, clear, plans for what I'd include, but I set it aside because I was too wrapped up with trying to clean up, fix up, adjust to, and anticipate all kinds of changes that were going on for existing writing, writing sites, etc. etc.

So, this blog has been one that I've set aside and kind of kept a secret (along with some of the things I've collected in my computer but not put online).

As is probably pretty obvious (by what's on this "online-writing etc." blog you're reading), I'm still pretty much mucking my way through so much of the old pages/material that I can't pretend I'll be getting this "Lifestyles.." thing into real gear in the near future.  Still, when I ran into it I decided to write this post about, mainly because I'm so, so, sick of all the old stuff.

While I don't plan to let this one sit "forever" (the way I've let some other blogs do), I'm not going to rush into posting any-old-thing on it.    For now, I'll just note here that I decided to aim to give this particular blog what I hope is a kind of quiet, tasteful, and serious look because the people I'll be aiming it at, and the subjects I hope to cover, are more likely to be people who would appreciate that "atmosphere" on the pages.

Another Blog In Upheaval By Virtue Of Inactivity - "Life On Key"

"Life On Key" isn't just a blog (of mine) that suffers from inactivity.  It also suffere from lack of definition.

When I went looking at blogs that need attention I found my post about "a new life for 'Life on Key'".  Well, that was a hopeful post, I guess, but I see no particular signs of life after the last couple of posts.  I'm probably going to do something similar with that one as I'm planning to do with some of the others (like "Relationship Glitches".  For now, I'm including here the "banner" for "Life on Key" (because, one way or another, it will facilitate some shifting around of posts).

"Relationship Glitches" - A Blog Under Renovation

 "Relationship Glitches" is a blog I have that is in need of updating/renovating.   One of its many issues are font inconsistencies and similar "technical"/"presentation" issues.  What I think I'm going to do with that blog (for now) is hide all remaining posts and copy them here (while marking them with the blog's "banner".

At some point I'll either perfect or delete the blog.  For now there's no reason to add a link to it.  Relationship-related posts will be marked with banner from that blog.


 

"Introduction From Home Page"

"Relationship glitches" is a term that has often come to mind when I've been thinking about the little things that can be "off" in relationships between people (whether between spouses, parents and kids, friends, or any other combination of people in one kind of relationship or another. In fact, even co-workers or neighbors can have enough of a relationship that "glitches" can occur and cause problems to one degree or another.

It's not surprising that the degree of closeness in any given relationship can bring with it increased chances of one of these glitches, but sometimes it's more the nature of the glitch and/or the differences in natures of the people involved that determine how potentially seriously a glitch can affect the relationship.

Even in some otherwise good relationships, glitches can exist in a way that means one or both parties just learns to accept that all "will never be perfect" in all ways in that particular relationship. These glitches, however, also have the potential of creating tiny fractures in the foundation of a relationship; and too many glitches and/or fractures can, unfortunately, sometimes lead the crumbling of the relationship.

If you ask most people what it takes to have a healthy relationship, many would tell you that open and honest communication is important. Having the ability/willingness to step outside ourselves and be able to see the other person's point-of-view is something else most people believe is important. Both of these things is true (as are a lot more of the things that a good number of people believe is important in having healthy relationships). One problem can be (and I think this exists far more often than a lot of people even see) that the kind of relationship glitches to which I'm referring are something that exist for one individual, or between two different individuals, exist within the process of "running one's communication program" or "running one's trying-to-see-the-other-viewpoint program. If there's a glitch that exists in the "programs" we use in our interpersonal relationships becoming more skilled at, or more knowledgeable about, using those "programs" isn't going to help them run more smoothly.

Most of us have heard someone say how his relationship is having trouble because he and the other person "go around and around in circles and never get anywhere with it". More importantly, most of us have heard stories about how so-and-so's ex-husband was a scoundrel or a "lazy and selfish good-for-nothing", or how so-and-so's ex-wife was a "complete witch". Stories about "rotten sons/daughters" abound. So do stories about "selfish" mothers and fathers who "never really loved their children". In fact, there seems to be no end to stories that would have us believe that, perhaps, the majority of people in the world are "terrible people" who are terrible at relationships.

The fact is, there are a lot of people in the world who aren't very good at relationships. There are also plenty of people who just aren't decent, caring, people. Still, over the course of my lifetime I've become convinced that a good percentage of those stories about "terrible" people got their start with relationship glitches that caused those tiny fractures in the foundation of the relationship, and eventually resulted in a foundation so weak and/or broken it had turned into something on which no relationship could stand for too long.

Like the glitches that take place when we're using our computers, relationship glitches aren't something we can see just in the process of using the computer. All we can see is the evidence that a glitch exists. All we can see, know and/or feel is that something is wrong; and we don't really know what to do to fix it. The good thing about glitches in relationships, however, is that, unlike technical glitches that occur when we're using our computers, we don't need a lot of technical know-how in order to be able know where to look to find a glitch. Neither do we need a lot of technical know-how to be able to fix at least some relationship glitches.

Unfortunately, some relationship glitches are of the nature that may make fixing them impossible (especially when the glitch is rooted in the thinking and nature of the other person in the relationship). Glitches that exist between the two individuals may be easier to recognize and fix, but we can't usually do much about something that comes from within the other person. Then again, however, sometimes something only appears to come from within the other person's nature because nobody involved has even recognized that any problems in, or with, the relationship are rooted in a simple glitch that, if recognized, might actually be fixable. Fixable or not, recognizing these glitches can be a first step in understanding them, and possibly finding a way to improve the relationship by either fixing them or finding ways to help the relationship run more smoothly in spite of them.

Over the course of an adult lifetime, I've been increasingly and acutely aware of some of the surprising (even shocking) ways in which these relationship glitches can develop and insidiously continue to worsen in varying degrees and varying types of relationships.

Future posts here will focus on these relationship glitches that can so often make the difference between the healthiest of relationships and relationships that will never be as solid and healthy as they otherwise could have/should have been. I can't (and wouldn't even try) to fix anyone's troubled relationship. All I can do is suggest some areas where, over the course of my own lifetime, I've been shocked to discover or observe some of these glitches and/or some of the things that lead to their developing.