As I continue to work on things away from this blog (which is a collection of Free-Time/Casual Online Writing, Remarks, And Notes By ME Whelan) and continue to figure out what goes and what stays of my existing online-writing, the de-emphasizing of one or another continues as well....

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Going For A Walk For No Real Good Reason...

As opposed to the dreariness of morning (and much of) yesterday, I'm looking at the super sunny day today and thinking it might be a good idea to go out in that sun.  Since temps in the high eighties are expected, I figure I should get out and back before mid-afternoon sun kicks in.

There are some things I wanted to "address" on here today (finally), but it can wait awhile longer.

"Emulating" (A Poem)


Note:   Normally, I've never been one for posting poems/verse on HubPages, but a few years ago they had a poetry contest and encouraged people to enter.  Since, at the time, there was so many online-writers involved in (sometimes heated) discussions about what to write and how to write it, how much following of others' advice/emulating approaches was on my mind (and in my face) anyway.  This poem was my kind of half-hearted "contribution" to the contest.  (It didn't win, by the way.)  Since poetry was NOT what I wanted among my stuff on that site I removed it as soon as the contest was over.

In any case,  I dug it up (I should have known better than to wonder if I had copies of it on this machine.  I have "a zillion" of them,  So, for what it is/isn't worth, I'm posting it here.


Emulating is not a bad thing. People learn by emulating. Babies and toddlers begin to try to their hand at emulating when they mimic those around them and learn by doing so. Of course, as young children grow; while they'll usually continue to emulate those they admire, their sense of self grows with them. Ideally, they learn to rely less and less on emulating others and grow increasingly independent in their thinking.

Most parents hope their child will develop a strong, independent, mind (even if it may not be as convenient for them as their child challenges their ideas). As far as I've ever been able to see, most children begin developing that mind of their own even before that second birthday (which ushers in those "Terrible Two's" we so often hear about).

An interesting and unfortunate thing can take place, though, as a young person continues to mature. That thing is that sometimes as a person matures he learns to rely less and less on that independent and strong mind he once fought so hard to assert and exercise. Instead, he may learn not to trust his own judgment and instincts, and instead to trust the judgment, instincts, and opinions of anyone seen (by him or by someone else) as "more knowledgeable". On the one hand, it makes sense to listen to someone who knows better. On the other hand, it's also important for each person to recognize when there's a good chance the other person doesn't know as much as believes he does.

Knowing when to trust our own instincts and when not to can be very tricky indeed. It may take some people longer than it takes others to even realize that they have their own instincts, let alone trust them. Some folks never get to where they truly trust their own instincts and judgment.


There's something to be said, I guess,
for watching those who have success;
and aiming to do things as they've done them,
and learning something
worthwhile from them.

But sometimes someone else's way
can lead a person well astray.
For others' shoes don't always fit;
and also, if you think of it,
that someone else's lessons learned
and someone else's wisdom earned
came in ways that can't be borrowed,
bought, bestowed, bequeathed or shared.

What someone else has dreamed about,
thought about, and figured out
is often learned in tiny moments,
bits and pieces, scars and yearnings
in the form of puzzle pieces
joined to make the picture whole.

It may be easier to follow,
borrow someone else's ways,
or try to copy his achievement.
After all, that's how one learns:
find somebody else who's done it,
do the same; you'll do it too.
Do it his way - never your way.
To that person's way be true.

Never dare do something new.
nor ever something different.
That someone else knows what he's doing,
how he did it, and how you can too.
He'll show you the ropes out of ego or kindness,
or share what he knows out of friendship or greed.
And you'll make sure you don't suffer from blindness
that comes from refusing to learn or to heed.

That person's a leader, trailblazer, trend-setter,
experienced, smart, and a real go-getter.
You could be just like him one day
if you just do things that person's way.
You can follow that guy's lead
and walk the trails he's blazed for you.
Follow trends he's set for you
and all of those who follow too.

Forget your style.
Forget your plans.
Forget your way.
His way is better.
Learn the things that got him there.
Learn them right down
to the letter.

One day you may be like him too.
Why keep struggling to stay you.
Why stay true to your uniqueness.
Following is safe, you know.
Following gets you where you're going
with fewer bumps and fewer bruises;
Don't worry if it's you who's growing,
or mind if you're the one who loses.

A Question I Ran Into On HubPages' Forums - "Why Do Some People Copy"

When I'm not in the mood to do any real work I often just go to HubPages' Questions/Answers section or else their community forums.  Sometimes I get ideas for writing a little something there.  Earlier, I ran into the title question of this post.  When I started to write and realized how long my reply was going to be I decided to turn it into a blog post instead.  (It's not as if I have all kinds of inspiration and new ideas for posts these days.)

As I wrote I recalled that quite awhile back I wrote a poem, "Emulating".  I wasn't sure I even had the poem on the computer I'm using, but I found it (so obviously, I did).  I have no idea who the person is who asked the question.  It appears pretty clear that English is not their first language.  (Makes no difference to me.  It was an idea for something to write about.)

In any case, this post is what I didn't post on that forum question.  I'm going to post the almost forgotten poem I wrote in a follow-up post.

(There was a cute picture with the person's question, but I suspect copyright could be an issue with that particular picture.)

I'm not sure people who may appear to be "copying" someone else are actually doing that.  In fairness, there are some things that many people find appealing, so if it looks like some people are copying others it's sometimes just that many people like the same thing.  An example might be that so many people put out a pumpkin and flowers in the Fall.  Nobody's copying.  It's just that pumpkins with flowers are liked by so many people.

Of course, there's the thing that children mimic those they admire for some reason; so some non-children who "copy" just want to be like the other person.  There's the saying that imitation is flattery.

I think where "copying" can get obnoxious is, for example, when there's a very popular television show on one channel.  Maybe it's unique.  And then "all" the other channels try to come up with their own version of the same kind of show.  There's no law that says one channel shouldn't try to compete with the first one that came up with the new and different show; but people I know all tend to say the same kind of thing about the channel that so obviously copies that first, unique, successful, show; and that is, "Have they no pride?".  Of course, it's business.  It's not just copying but competing.  They don't care about a personal trait like pride.  All they try to do is get ratings with their "copy show". 

I don't know....    I don't really think too many people (grown-ups, anyway) are all that consumed with "copying" (or "copying with competing") in their lives as individuals.  I know some people are more "competing-minded" as individuals than others, but I don't think they so much copy others as try to "out-do" them in some way (or in as many ways as they think they can come up with). 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

The Next Post I Do On Here Will Be Probably Be A Picture Of Flowers...

Since I don't want this page to turn into yet more "nothing" about re-organizing old writing of one kind or another,  I'm just writing this one as a way of leaving my most recent post (which will be this one for awhile) brief and simple. 

In the meantime I've got some deleting to think about...

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Just A Newer Post For The Sake Of Having A Newer Post On Here

Although I most often have this page as one of the "stand-by" windows on my screen,  I haven't not-noticed how old the most recent post is.  Another window I often keep on my screen is to HubPages.  I go there either when I want to take a break from my own stuff and want to see what, if anything, is going on there; I also go there when I'm bored and/or tired.  Sometimes, too, I can find things to write about (or plan to write about) on there.  If I don't find anything worth "turning into a whole big thing" there's also their questions/answers section (which these days is pretty much a "discussion type of thing", whether or not that was the original aim of the people running the site).

In any case, today I ran into a question that asked writers if they'd "taken risks" with getting their writing out there and read.  Somewhere in the discussion someone suggested that some writers might be too afraid of "mass rejection" (or, I guess, rejection in general) to want to, or be able to, risk rejection by aiming to get their stuff out to as big an audience as they could.

I wrote my whole answer and won't re-write it.  The short answer is that I can't even imagine anyone who writes anything being "afraid of rejection".  I know that people who write, say, fiction may have to worry more about who likes or doesn't like what they write.  Maybe because I don't write fiction it's easy for me to say I don't care who does or doesn't like what I write.  That isn't even really the point of this post, though.  Here's my "spin-off" point:
It always kind of amazes me how many people have a tendency to put their own insecurities (or even "over-securities" on other people.  On the one hand, I have not lost site of the fact that something like online discussions are just that and are essentially for the purpose of discussion.  On the other hand, it can be both eye-opening and kind of aggravating to run into (yet again, and whether online or in "real life") how often people just automatically put their insecurities, over-securities, or whatever else on others.  It's common and understandable, up to a point, that people so often tend to think that everyone else is like they are (at least in some ways).  Where many people need to be far more careful (again, online or in "real life", which are (or should be) the same thing) is in being too quick to just automatically assume that everyone else is just like they are.  It's good, of course, to recognize that so many of us are the same in so many ways.  Where people slip up, however, is to make that jump to thinking that because we human beings have so many things in common we must "all be exactly alike".  We're not.  We have things in common with others.  Then, however, we are individuals.

An interesting thing can be that there are people who may be more likely to want/need to make thesmelves feel better by believing that everyone else has the same weaknesses that they do; while the very same people may be more inclined to recognize the difference between them and others when it comes to something they believe is a positive trait/behavior of their own.  For example, the person who views his own marketing approaches/efforts with his own writing (and has seen results from his approach) may be likely to assume that anyone who has not used that same approach is somehow lacking something.  Again, in something like an online discussion it's generally a good thing for all kinds of people to kick in all kinds of things.  That makes for a good discussion.

Whether it's with writing or anything else, people need to keep in mind that just because they have many things in common with someone else, or even because they have only one thing in common with someone else, that doesn't mean that the "someone else" is the same as they are.

People who don't have a good perspective of, or the different types of, something like rejection have a problem.  Not everyone has that problem.  Writers know how rejection works and pretty much have a good grasp on the reality that not everyone is going to like their work.  Also, rejection of writing isn't even about someone's not liking the writing.  A good part of the time the timing and/or type of writing is the reason a piece of writing won't fit well somewhere.  It's easy enough for me to say/think that I don't care who likes or doesn't like any of the stuff I've written online.  I've never been "emotionally attached" to the kind of stuff that does well in search engines.  There are all kinds of different "set-ups" for writing online, and the matter of marketing and/or having something rejected isn't even factor with some of those "set-ups".  So, the fear-of-rejection thing was pretty much about writing that people do on their own with the hopes of gaining a big audience.

While I understand that just because I don't happen to care about who does/doesn't like something I've written there certainly are people who think of their own writing differently.  (I'm not one of those people who think that everyone else is the same as I am just because they happen to also write online.)

People tend to do two different things when it comes to what they think about others.  Some, for example, think that because they do something (like worry too much, lie too freely, dislike one or another group of people or things , fear rejection- whatever....) that everyone else does those same things.

Without getting more into how and what things go on in online discussions, and without getting into a whole big thing about all the different kinds of things people sometimes do when it comes to their thinking/behavior in offline conversations/relationships; the answer to so many things that people discuss, wonder about, and generally focus on in one setting or another, is so often....

""I am not you and/or not in your situation, and you are not me and/or in my situation".

As I've said, it's harmless and understandable that people throw out all kinds of ideas in an online discussion.  It's just that that thing about assuming the worst, the weakest, or most flawed about other people is a far more toxic thing than many people realize.

The question-in-question specifically asked about "taking risks" with approaches to getting more visibility.  The same question could have been, "Why don't you do more to market your stuff than you?" or "Are you doing as much marketing of your stuff as you could be - and if not why not?"  Instead, built right into that question (unimportant as such an  online-discussion question may be) was the thing about taking risks.

My "Thing" is this (online or in "real life"):  Before building into questions/concerns some psychological/emotional flaw/weakness ask the simple and clean question first.  That's all.  Everything people do in life is not the result of some psychological/emotional weakness/flaw.  Believing it is is, in itself, a flaw/weakness (from which, by the way, only some people, and certainly not all,  suffer).

This long post "for the sake of posting something new" is actually not a matter of just rambling on and on about someone suggesting that writers may be afraid to take risks out of fear of rejection.  It's really about raising the issue of people being so free to assume the worst, the weakest, and/or the least of other people.   The reason I've raised this in this post is that, since long before there was an Internet, I've had a real "Thing" about people in (primarily) one of two groups (very elderly people and children) having others assume the worst, weakest, and or least about them.  Since my most immediate aims with this blog (and any "surrounding" pages) are focused on very elderly people; but since I'm not yet prepared to adequately get into the broad picture related to people in that group; I thought that just raising the matter of "assuming the worst and weakest" when we don't understand why someone else does/doesn't do something might be a good (although admittedly poorly structured) starting point.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

It's Never A Good Idea To Allow A Blog To Turn Into A "Dumping Ground"

As I've continued to try to set up things on this blog, while also trying to address "matters of trimming out/consolidating/etc" with other blogs/sites, I've allowed myself the luxury and temporary peace-of-mind of not even looking at my "Words By ME Whelan" blog on WordPress (or any number of other blogs/sites, for that matter). Since I've spent quite a bit of time actually writing over the last couple of days, it seemed like today might be a good day to do something less taxing - like at least LOOK at what needs to be done with some of the seemingly forgotten (even though they're not) blogs. It turns out even looking at/thinking about the blog-in-question is a heck of a lot more "taxing" than writing. I'm posting a link to my attempt to at least sort of write an "update post", mainly because a quick and easy link from this blog will make it less likely that I'll allow myself that "luxury and peace-of-mind" associated with avoiding dealing with what's on that blog.

 "Words By ME Whelan"

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

A Wrap-Up Post On The "Notebook Blogs" Before Moving On

It's May 3, and I'm pretty much "on schedule" (as if anyone's paying attention anyway, but knowing I'm "on schedule in my mind/planning" is a good thing to remind myself, and probably my only "reader" here at this point).

Anyway, setting up the notebook blogs has been what I needed in order to have some way to get some things down as part of the overall picture of "a way for everything to make sense".  I can now safely isolate the stuff that's all related to, tied in with, or basis for SOME other/new writing (and even some older writing).  It occurs to me that, really, I could use two more notebooks.  Instead of setting those up I may instead just incorporate them into the "umbrella/situation" notebook, and maybe add some pages.  I have reasons for not choosing the "add-page" option in many instances.  Those reasons don't apply to the "umbrella notebook".

As planned, I devoted my couple/few days to the "notebooks set-up project", and it was a couple/few days well spent (to me).  Of course, I did throw in that load of laundry yesterday (which I really should have done Sunday).  Yesterday, too, I did some time working on some actual writing that has nothing to do with the whole "free-time blog thing".  Also yesterday, I went around to a few of my other pages to see what they needed.  I didn't really need to remind myself about what they needed, but checking in with some of those pages (unfortunately) reminded me of how neglected they are.

In a previous post I referred to setting up a foundation for future writing.  As part of some of that "expanding" on the lowest levels of "foundation", I'm increasingly aware of some sections of it that just need to be deleted and/or better developed (one or the other, because "half-baked" doesn't cut it).

Some of that deleting will/can finally be done as I have this new "central thing" on which I'll focus. Some of the "better developing" will happen as I operate from this blog and decide which pages may be able to use one or another thing that I add here.

With regard to this free-time writing, my ultimate aim has been to eventually have well developed pages/sites that are actually worthy of things like reading, viewing, sharing, marketing, etc. etc.  And, at some point, my aim is to "package" that all up in a reasonable and sensible way and go the "own domain(s)" route.  I'll cross that bridge when/if I get to it.

While some of the deleting, removing, and/or better developing will naturally take place as I go from here (so I have to remind myself that I have to be reasonably patient about not having all pages/blogs "all right"), I do think I need to (in the very near future - like tomorrow) go around and look at whatever pages I have and see if I can do at least a little something to freshen them up (or maybe change settings).

Other than that, what I want to spend later today , and maybe some time tomorrow, at least adding some basic information to each notebook blog.  They can't do their job if they don't have any information or notes on them.

The notebook blogs (basic as they are, and narrow-purpose as they are) are like one of the critical "blocks" in the foundation.  From here I can decide which blocks to lift from the lowest layer of the foundation and place, instead, on the next level up; which ones to remove completely, which ones to move closer to the center of the "foundation", etc.

Basically at this point I want to now "de-expand" the lowest layer of blocks and turn what I'm aiming to build into something takes up less space but grows (at least for awhile) vertically.  Of course, the taller one hopes to build something, the more solid the foundation needs to be.

My aim is not now, and never has been, to make my online-writing efforts turn into some super-high structure that will last forever.  As with all growth (of any kind), it's not always a matter of someone/something reaching some level of size or height or maturity and then just either existing that way forever (or else, "biting the proverbial dust").

With this stuff that I have online my aim is pretty much to narrow things down to a substantial and solid thing that will stand on its own even if I don't have time or interest in adding new touches to it.  After all, I do a life beyond writing in my free time and beyond writing one or another kind of thing anywhere.  Still, as I mentioned in another post, here's the Internet, here's me, here's things I want to write about, and here's "the rest of time".

In any case, having reminded myself of my own direction by getting it all down in words, it's time to move on.  (Whether or not that orange-flower picture remains where it is on this blog, or remains as large as it is; and how long, exactly, I can tolerate that "wallpaper" background, remains to be seen.  That's it, though. )

Monday, May 2, 2016

Can't Resist A Quick Comment

When you're running out of steam at 11:00 p.m. it's always good or never good (depending..) to keep working for another hour or so, discover you're hungry, have a few saltines and peanut-butter with a cup of coffee - and before you know it you're good until (let's see...) 3:06 a.m.   There's definitely something to be said for not going out and walking a few miles for a day, and instead sitting at one's computer desk and barely moving through the whole day.  This ties in with some of the "notebook blogs" I've put together, and since I was too tired at 11:00 p.m. to do more on them you can probably understand why I'm no less tired at 3 a.m.  I suppose I should have done a load of laundry yesterday (Sunday), but there's also something good about not doing laundry when one is in "don't-move-from-the-screen" mode (at least for one rainy Sunday)

You know that over-used saying about the only sure things being death and taxes?  I have a couple of other sure things:  One is that laundry does not wash itself and (on an unrelated-but-true note) food at or just past its "use by" date doesn't get any newer when one isn't comfortable with the date, decides not to use the food, and yet doesn't throw it out until it's so far past the date there's no guilt about throwing it out.

OK.  It's now 3:19 a.m., and I've spent a respectable amount of time writing foolishness.  That's a good way to wrap up the rainy-Sunday weekend and start thinking about the beginning of the work week again.

By the way (and not that anyone needs me to tell them this), but it turns out time flies even when you're not having all that great a time).

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Just To Be Clear About That List Of "Noteooks"...

After I did the two posts right before this one (with one having that list of "notebook blogs"), I looked at the subjects and thought, "OMG, I hope people realize that ALL of this stuff doesn't apply to me ALL the time!"  While the blogs are certainly based on personal experience with one thing or another I want to be clear that some of the subjects/focus have little, if anything, to do with me at all.

Come to think of it, maybe that's why I haven't listed all these areas of "personal exposure" together in the past (because lumped together they look really dismal and depressing).  The thing is, however, that I'm not one to waste even limited personal experience by not trying to make some use of it.

Besides, under that "umbrella" of all those things that have made up my "overall situation" at one time or another, I've become more and more concerned on behalf of a few different groups of people, with very elderly people some of my biggest concerns.  More on all of this later (whether here or in one of the "notebooks").  For now, I just wanted to mention that while I've gained some insight through any number of elements of my own experience, that list (and those blogs) aren't only, or always, about me.  

The "Notebooks" ("Notebook Blogs")

The "Notebooks" seem to be getting off to a slow start, and I ask myself if they're at risk of being yet another bunch of poorly developed blogs (as far as content goes).  I'm not really concerned about that happening.  It's just that on this rainy Sunday I was up very early and have spent pretty much all of my time (with a few breaks here or there), setting up the "notebooks" (which is, for now, a kind of little network under the umbrella of "newest online writing efforts".  It took quite a bit of work (and it probably wasn't all that smart of me to indulge in that "...some rambling" post I did a little while ago on here),

In any case, I started working around 6:00 a.m. or so, and it's now just after 11:00 p.m. (my time), so I'm kind of running out of steam at this point.   The good thing is that I've got the "notebooks" set up and in place, so I'll be able to just post next time "out". 

I really shouldn't post the links to today's efforts yet, in view of how few posts (if any) they have.  But, by doing that, any posts I write here (on this blog) that  I couldn't post without referring to the "notebooks blogs" can now be posted and still make some sense.  As with so many things in life, it's all kind of matter of "one can't do this until one does such-and-such, but one can't do such-and-such until one does whatever-else".

So, I've just decided to post the list of "notebooks" here and point out that there really is not much of anything on any of them (in some cases, nothing at all); but also, what does appear on a few of them is truly not any of my better efforts.  I remind myself that they are, after all, "notebooks", and therefore don't need to be impressive and/or perfect.

Anyway, now that they're set up I'll be able to concentrate on substance. 

All "Notebook Blogs"

Exhaustion Notes 
Fitness Challenges
Non-Custodial Parent
Elderly and/or Infirmed
Food and Eating Challenges
Walking Notes
Leg Injury
Writer Issues Notes
Don't Drive Suburbs
Umbrella/(Individual) Situation Notes

A Few Days Of Getting This Blog In Better Order - But First, A Bunch Of Rambling.....

While I didn't/don't want this blog to be yet another of my sites, pages, and/or posts about little more than my online writing endeavors, I did/do want it to be a, central, online, "home-type-of-thing", blog for my online writing.  In order for it to function that way for me (or for anyone who happens to find it), I do need to spend a couple/few days organizing here.  Here's why:

What I have out there (at least with all this free-time stuff I've been writing since around 2005, I think) falls mostly in one of a few categories - 1) serious but casual non-fiction,  2) serious and less casual non-fiction, or 3) lighter and casual non-fiction, or 4) completely silly non-fiction.  Of those groups some pieces of writing have made the cross-over to "a little more serious since I'm earning income from it".

When I first got involved with online stuff it wasn't with the idea of doing anything other than a) dusting off my skills with on-demand writing and b) finding offline or online work by signing up with job placement/job match sites.  Then there were also "project match" sites.  So, focusing on all of the things while also aiming to dust off the "on-demand" skills, I'd use either blogs or revenue-sharing "writing sites/platforms" that invited members to "write what you want to write".  Not only did they add a new dimension to how I was spending my writing-focused/work-focused time, but as I wrote more and more (on one site or another), the online writing endeavors started to blur the line between what was "business writing" and what was "for-me writing".  In any case, I won't get into all that yet again (I've gone into it time and again on any number of other my pages/blogs.)  The point is what's out there is a mess.

Although I would not have anticipated the ways in which, and rate at which, the whole "Internet-writing picture" has changed over the years, the one thing I was sure of was that Internet was not going away.  Neither was my interest in writing the kind of stuff I wanted to write.   Without any real plans for the online stuff that I didn't have enough time for, I didn't see any number of things as a big emergency.  I just figured I'd set up a framework for things to be better developed/polished later.

Anyway, over the years I've built up a "collection" of blogs of different types and in different stages of development (which, in pretty much all instances, remains "not-very-far-along-at-all").  Some of those blogs were started with the aim to take a "serious" (professional, as a writer) approach to them.  Some I started with the idea of taking a more casual approach.  Some have remained on completely private settings (and probably will) because they have their own separate purpose.

Basically, I had it in my mind that when I wasn't looking for or finding at least a little work (full-timetime was what I wanted, but short-term or one-time was better than no-time), I'd use the left-over free time to figure out how to build something out of nothing (and I do mean "nothing").  It wasn't really that I particularly wanted to build something out of nothing (or even sort-of-something-ish, at least for me).  It was just a matter of "here's the Internet.  Here's me, writing, and the rest of my life.  What do I do about any of those things?"

Anyway, I'm not really one to use the ages-old "thing", "today is the first day of the rest of my life".  Then again, it's not an concept that's lost on me either.  So, when one is faced with a big pile of nothing it can just make sense to take whatever "scraps" one can come up with and start building a foundation for something (or "something-ish").  Sometimes one can start by building that foundation "out" and expanding it.  Sometimes one can build different sections and/or start building up.

My thinking was that as long as I was building that foundation, layer by layer and/or stack-by-stack I could always perfect some things before continuing.  Again, none of it was emergency anyway.

With other things in my life far more of a concern to me than the online writing stuff, I was (particularly when it came to blogs, but even with some of the revenue-sharing stuff that was actually bringing in some income) looking at a deadline of "at some point during the rest of time".

No-deadline or not, I did know that there might come a time when it became clear what the next steps in "foundation-building" needed to be.  I can't put into words how many times I've had to fight off the seemingly overwhelming urge to knock down the slowly progressing "foundation", or how many times I've thought about how stupid it is to keep working away at building a "foundation" with (essentially) bricks made of "crud".  Then again, what the heck difference does it make if one is only aiming to "build" something for one's own purposes and free time?

On an Internet so full of crud how much of a big perfectionist did I need to be anyway?

So, every once in awhile I'd go around to one blog or another or one site or another and see if I couldn't at least polish up a little something (even if it was still crud).  That was enough to fend off the urge to delete everything and either start clean or else just type up stuff and store in a hatbox (as if I own a hatbox, but I could find one somewhere.....).

Besides, some of the stuff was more hatbox material than some of the other stuff.  The other thing is that, crud or not, a decade-or-so's worth of efforts can be a lot of work.  I was actually kind of proud (at least to myself) that while other people waste all kinds of time doing some fairly non-constructive things in their free time, I had been spending mine doing something that was (at least for me) constructive in some way; and in the process, I was also becoming more and more familiar with not just the Internet, but with all the ways in which it has evolved for writers and/or content producers.

And, while I wasn't interested in making a "big career" out of Internet writing/content-producing, I had familiarized myself enough with some of the basics of the "business angle" to online writing that I at least knew what I needed to learn more about in the event I suddenly become interested in something that didn't interest me as long as I didn't need it to.

In any event, within the contexts of "rest of all time as deadline" and "anything goes on the Internet", whatever half-baked/incomplete "foundation" I've been building needs some major fixing up, overhauling, updating and/or knocking down.

On the one hand, at least with some stuff, there is at least a thread of some kind of continuity.  On the other hand, one "thread of continuity" is that many things are old and/or have been recycled a "zillion times" (not to mention having been written at points in "Internet-writing evolution" when they wouldn't be seen as "crud" or "half-crud").  So many things aren't just well worn and/or recycles (or even stolen), but are/were things that I don't want to look at any longer.

In some ways, and with some things, I'm at reasonable peace to just leave them where they are as long as I know exactly what I'll be doing with them next.  Some things I can easily delete provided I move some of the contents first.  Actually, the seemingly out-of-control and strange foundation that has been built up to this point isn't entirely as out-of-control as it may appear (even to me).

The challenge for me hasn't really been one of needing to either knock down or else build up to "perfection".  Instead, what's needed at this point is a way to both start clean AND connect some of the things that shouldn't be "knocked down" (deleted).  That means separating "past" from "present" (or "future" (writing), while still incorporating some "past" (but clearly indicating it) with some "present".

It also means filling in enough existing gaps (wherever they are) so that, for once and for all, there's a finished enough foundation on which to build a newer level.

Of course, I've always had plans to further develop some blogs as material (and/or at least "polish") has been added; and I've always had plans to either move, delete or consolidate some, depending on how material has built up (or not built up).  The problem, I now realize, is that progress with things on that level has been slowed because I've had no well established "present" into which I can move some of the things.

It goes on and on....   (and could I and have I)

With more and more time, however, also comes new material to write.  Ironically, as new material for writing has continued to build (but not the writing that will eventually go with it), what has become clear is that I've been at a stand-still when it comes to so much new material because the new material is far more complicated than any of the older stuff I've written.  (Maybe that's because we can get to a point in life where we've written about everything we can think of to write about, so the only new stuff to write is stuff that happens as time goes on.)

My aim is not to be "an Internet person".  My aim is to leave in reasonably good order whatever material I decide to leave and then keep, maybe, one blog as that "central type of thing" I mentioned for those times when or if I feel like adding something.  For now, that's this blog.

AND, in the meantime, with glaring gaps between what I want to write now (with new material that has built up for years now) and any way to present that material in a way that makes sense, as well as doesn't look like even more crud;  guess what has finally become clear to me:  The need for at least nine additional blogs!

I remind myself once again that sometimes when there's a big, complicated, bunch of stuff to be put in order, there's the need to make a bigger mess before finally getting everything in order.  Yes, that's what I'll remind myself about (at least for now).  Time to go find some music to listen to (or something)....

"Those Things I Want To Write" (As Opposed To "That Thing I Need To Write")

That Thing I Need To Write

So many words I've written
behind an altered name.
So many lines and lyrics.
So much has been a game.

Too many paragraphs and words.
I've never really said
the things I really need to say
from both my heart and head.

Oh, they're all true - those words of mine.
I'm not the sort to utter lines
that I don't mean or take to heart, but
words from around the edges
aren't truth or tale or art.

And off, around those edges
Calling, screaming, haunting
are words I've been ignoring
because not doing so is daunting.

Besides, you know, it's easier
to write the safer things.
And never have to worry of
the consequence it brings.

There is a price for honesty.
I'm not sure that I can pay it.
There's something that I need to write
and say, but I can't say it.

So many things I've written,
almost finished, but not quite.
So many words, and finished work
that's never felt quite right.
Words swirling quite within my grasp -
if only I could win the fight
to reign them in and find the strength
to write that thing I need to write.

The poem above is something I wrote quite some time ago, but as I've been trying to think of the best way to explain what I'm trying to do with my online writing (and with this blog), I thought that first posting the poem might be a good way to start, not because the poem is "just right" or because it "kind of says it all", but because it neither is, nor does,   Well, it kind of is and mostly does when it comes to SOME things that I need or want to write (or wish I could/would write but know I never will).

With other things I want to write and/or some things I kind of need to write it's not so much a matter of "finding strength" as it is finding the time, the energy, or (most importantly with regard to my online writing), a way to tie a bunch of things together so that they'll be worth someone's time to read (or at least so they'll make some sense, sometimes within the context of larger picture.

I'll write another post to further explain (as if anyone cares, but writing my own plans/aims with regard to what I'm doing with the online writing helps me "establish better direction in my head" (than just keeping "some invisible framework/structure" in my head and trying to work with that in mind.