That Thing I Need To Write
So many words I've
written
behind an altered
name.
So many lines and
lyrics.
So much has been a
game.
Too many paragraphs
and words.
I've never really
said
the things I really
need to say
from both my heart
and head.
Oh, they're all true
- those words of mine.
I'm not the sort to
utter lines
that I don't mean or
take to heart, but
words from around the
edges
aren't truth or tale
or art.
And off, around those
edges
Calling, screaming,
haunting
are words I've been
ignoring
because not doing so
is daunting.
Besides, you know,
it's easier
to write the safer
things.
And never have to
worry of
the consequence it
brings.
There is a price for
honesty.
I'm not sure that I
can pay it.
There's something
that I need to write
and say, but I can't
say it.
So many things I've
written,
almost finished, but
not quite.
So many words, and
finished work
that's never felt
quite right.
.
Words swirling quite
within my grasp -
if only I could win
the fight
to reign them in and
find the strength
to write that thing I
need to write.
The poem above is something I wrote quite some time ago, but as I've been trying to think of the best way to explain what I'm trying to do with my online writing (and with this blog), I thought that first posting the poem might be a good way to start, not because the poem is "just right" or because it "kind of says it all", but because it neither is, nor does, Well, it kind of is and mostly does when it comes to SOME things that I need or want to write (or wish I could/would write but know I never will).
With other things I want to write and/or some things I kind of need to write it's not so much a matter of "finding strength" as it is finding the time, the energy, or (most importantly with regard to my online writing), a way to tie a bunch of things together so that they'll be worth someone's time to read (or at least so they'll make some sense, sometimes within the context of larger picture.
I'll write another post to further explain (as if anyone cares, but writing my own plans/aims with regard to what I'm doing with the online writing helps me "establish better direction in my head" (than just keeping "some invisible framework/structure" in my head and trying to work with that in mind.
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