That Thing I Need To Write
So many words I've written
behind an altered name.
So many lines and lyrics.
So much has been a game.
Too many paragraphs and words.
I've never really said
the things I really need to say
from both my heart and head.
Oh, they're all true - those words of mine.
I'm not the sort to utter lines
that I don't mean or take to heart, but
words from around the edges
aren't truth or tale or art.
And off, around those edges
Calling, screaming, haunting
are words I've been ignoring
because not doing so is daunting.
Besides, you know, it's easier
to write the safer things.
And never have to worry of
the consequence it brings.
There is a price for honesty.
I'm not sure that I can pay it.
There's something that I need to write
and say, but I can't say it.
So many things I've written,
almost finished, but not quite.
So many words, and finished work
that's never felt quite right.
Words swirling quite within my grasp -
if only I could win the fight
to reign them in and find the strength
to write that thing I need to write.
The poem above is something I wrote quite some time ago, but as I've been trying to think of the best way to explain what I'm trying to do with my online writing (and with this blog), I thought that first posting the poem might be a good way to start, not because the poem is "just right" or because it "kind of says it all", but because it neither is, nor does, Well, it kind of is and mostly does when it comes to SOME things that I need or want to write (or wish I could/would write but know I never will).
With other things I want to write and/or some things I kind of need to write it's not so much a matter of "finding strength" as it is finding the time, the energy, or (most importantly with regard to my online writing), a way to tie a bunch of things together so that they'll be worth someone's time to read (or at least so they'll make some sense, sometimes within the context of larger picture.
I'll write another post to further explain (as if anyone cares, but writing my own plans/aims with regard to what I'm doing with the online writing helps me "establish better direction in my head" (than just keeping "some invisible framework/structure" in my head and trying to work with that in mind.