As I continue to work on things away from this blog (which is a collection of Free-Time/Casual Online Writing, Remarks, And Notes By ME Whelan) and continue to figure out what goes and what stays of my existing online-writing, the de-emphasizing of one or another continues as well....

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Why I Have Trouble Doing Much Of Anything On This Blog Or Related To It

Even though I got my online-writing efforts (the writing I did/do for myself, rather than for someone else) and/or rather than any projects done on a professional basis) to the point where they were/are "a thing of their own"; while some things kind of turned a little more serious than others "x percent" stayed under the category of "writing I do when I want to get away from more serious efforts and just write for me".

Without (yet again, among whatever I've posted on whatever blogs somewhere) getting into a whole bunch of details, these days the whole picture has changed; I have the online "my-time/free-time" stuff trimmed down to just whatever I have lumped together under my name as "free-time stuff", which includes this blog as a home-base type of thing and HubPages.

I haven't necessarily eliminated the idea of writing any articles on there, and at this point I think I have two types of articles in mind for any future efforts on there.  One type would not, however, be "writing just for me".  The other would be (even if I made sure it was potentially useful and/or unique to readers, rather than just a "blog type of post").  I have nothing in particular against writing either type of thing
on there, but a) I'm still looking at two accounts on there that need "clean-up"  (and that's only a tiny, tiny, fraction of clean-up and organization to be done with older online stuff); and b) there's only so much time for this online-writing stuff, or at least for the stuff that's "for me", rather than stuff done on a more professional basis.

Every time I switch on my computer I automatically open windows for this page and for HubPages.  There are all kinds of posts that I want to do on the "notebook blogs".    With HubPages, I go there to see what may be going on on/with the site.   I look through the "community stuff" to see if I get any ideas for new Hubs, which I often do.  My problem there is that I'm often not sufficiently motivated to complete Hubs that I start.  As a result, I tend to prefer to just take "the lazy woman's way out" and use their Questions/Answers section as a socializing/discussion type of thing.

I've often seen people say how writing is, in fact, an isolating thing (needless to say), which is one reason why, supposedly, those community pages are there - for writers to take a break

Other than some really limited activity on the two "main" social sites, I stay away from social sites online.    I'm not looking to genuinely socialize with strangers online.  There's only so much Internet time  I'm going to waste on "non-genuine".  As it is, like most people my age who have families, projects of one kind or another, worries, finding time to spend with different family members, etc. etc.; I don't even really have time or energy for socializing with offline friends very much (and if I do they don't)).

So, regardless of whatever else I'm working on or doing offline, I leave my computer on the two windows I mentioned and pop on and off all through the day, here or there.  In the case of this blog,
it's with the idea that maybe I'll add more of what I plan to add in order to eventually be able to tie things together and get them to where my real aims are very clear.

I've already described (any number of times in one place or another) how I use HubPages and why.  The main thing is that it's the only place where's there's input from someone other than just me.  Why it works well for me is that while, say, a phone call to a friend may not be good timing popping onto a discussion page is always good timing.

My thing is, though, that I don't want to write articles that someone else can write as well as or better than I can.  I have no interest in writing fiction at all, and most of the poems/verse I've written have been a matter of seeing a title (on Helium when that site was around) and "just seeing what I could come up with", rather than out any interest in writing poetry as a way of "expressing myself".  The exception are things I've written with my (now grown) children in mind and I guess, maybe, one or two about writing.

What I'm working up to with this blog and any associated material is to make use of experience with some fairly minor, or at least temporary in some instances, circumstances/situations and then come up with solid information/insight (that someone without a particular combination of circumstances/experiences can offer) to paint a more solid and accurate "bigger picture" of one group of people or another.

For example, what I've been primarily focusing on recently has been some of things that some very elderly people must have to deal with as a result of not driving and/or having a mobility problem or chronic pain problem (as in the case of people who live with arthritis).

There's some cross-over, however.   And, the no-driving thing and/or (in my case, and thankfully AND knock on wood for now) the mobility/chronic pain thing (with injuries) don't always apply to the very eldery only, if at all.   Things like anorexia (complete lack of appetite and trouble being able to starrt eating again, things like depression and/or stress/exhaustion and/or the appearance of either aren't just for the very elderly either.

Then there are issues more associated the "not-quite-all-that-elderly-but-not-thirty-either" set.  One example is that not all sixty-year-olds have children (most often grown or mostly grown) of the same age or have grandchildren or kids who have all moved far away or all live nearby.

As, I think, most people over fifty will tell you, there's often at least the occasional time when someone younger says or does something related to "being old after fifty" that's infuriating.  I can think of a few times even before the first injury I got (in my late fifties) when someone  younger did, said, or appeared to think one (often seemingly minor) thing or another; and while I'd realize they meant no harm and that it was a small thing (and therefore just let it go and say nothing), over time I started imagining living with that kind of thing for, say, another twenty or thirty years.  I'd think, "No wonder so many elderly people get grouchy and irritable".

Of course, it's not always that simple, or even that accurate.  Also, I don't imagine fifties (no matter how youthful or non-youthful someone seems in some ways) is anywhere near what someone in his eighties may have to deal with.   When I did the leg injuries that took time to work back from, and with a couple of Winters in the mix, the whole picture and my own insight took on new dimensions.

That's when I started to see unfold, sometimes to my horror, what at least some (probably many, I'm guessing) elderly people must have to live with.  It's also when I started to think about how many people may be viewed as having some degree of dementia when they don't have it at all, or else when it's nowhere near as bad someone else may think.  More importantly, I started to wonder how living under some circumstances without the right kind of understanding and/or support may actually contribute to, or hasten, dementia.

I wouldn't even attempt to address my own questions.  I know there are professionals specializing in these areas, and they're far more qualified than I am to research/write about this kind of stuff.  My thing is that I'd like to aim some things at people who are not professionals who work with, or on behalf of, elderly people and their issues.  (Again, issues associated with elderly people aren't my only focus/aim, but they are among the main ones.)

While I don't even particularly think about getting readers to this blog in the state that it, and related material, is in (and in fact I have settings that essentially discourage attracting readers for now), I need to get all those seemingly insignificant things/challenges down in writing and in one place for my own purposes.  I don't happen to mind who sees what I've written in the meantime, but a) I can't help but care a little that what's here could generally create a negative impression of me, my writing and/or my motivations; and b) I pretty much get sick of, and find incredibly un-interesting, all the all the tedious and excruciating details involved (and even required) in trying to put something together that is both solid and (eventually) easy to read and make sense of.

In sort, I look at this blog (and related stuff) full of all those seemingly insignificant "challenges" lumped together to form one, big, picture of "nothing-but-problems".  It isn't bad enough that the "big picture" to be seen here is nothing but problems (little, tiny, problems that add up to bigger ones), but they're things I'm sick of thinking about (and have been for quite some time now).

So, I look at, say, this page and am not happy with thinking I'm creating an image of myself that is "nothing-but-problems", or worse "nothing-but-stupid-little-tiny-problems-that-add-up-to-depressing-and-uninteresting".  So, I either write nothing or write some little thing or else write some big post but don't post it until I can add to it and try to make it look less pathetic.

It doesn't help that I worry about coming across as seeing tiny things as big things worth writing about, or as appearing so self-absorbed as to be completely obnoxious (because of anything I am, self-absorbed really doesn't fall very high on the list).

So, I remind myself to write small, short, posts.  They'll be less tedious and excruciating.   That's when I inevitably and again realize that I can't start writing short posts until I write some super-long ones.  It goes back to not being able to make some simple and quick points without providing enough context.

While, of course, I know it isn't hopeless and know that I'll eventually get enough context down that I can move past this stage of this particular writing aim, it also not very motivating.

In any case, there's only so much time to write one thing or another and for one project or another, which is generally why so little writing under the category of "my online writing efforts" gets done.

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